The Blame Game

Sadly, yesterday I seriously considered hanging up my blogging hat. I'm not naive, I've been attacked from the pulpit many times before. To have someone refer to you as a devil, to say they see no Jesus in you is enough to shake anyone. But thanks be to God, I know who I am as well as who's I am. One thing I've learned, when someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time. I don't know what angered this reader but I've learned that people are generally truthful when they speak in anger. From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Generally, when a person gets an opportunity to calm down and reflect on what they've said, they usually apologize but I even if I forgive them, I always remember what the said in anger because that's how they really felt. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm the problem, that I'm talented but printing trash. I don't know how to take backhanded compliments because they're really not complimentary. We all know that it's easy to quote scriptures but more difficult to live in accordance with the scriptures. The fact that a minister sanked so low was a bit troubling to me. But some say I just got a taste of my own medicine. The exchange caught me off guard for a moment but even though I don't respect the person, I can respect the fact that he spoke his truth, regardless of what others may think of his opinion. I deal with so many anonymous threats, cowards that hide in the dark while keying your car and I even have department heads plotting to find ways to have me arrested and/or fined for the things I post because they can't handle the truth. One of the reasons I can't focus on positive events is the fact that I'm always having to go on the defense. It's hard to think of peace when every request for public information requires a war. If I'm wrong, I correct my mistakes and move forward. Although I don't accept the things that were said, I'm an adult and can accept criticism, shake the dust from my feet, pull up my wide boxer shorts and keep it moving.

Contrary to popular belief, I welcome challenges to the things I post. If I'm wrong, I want to know I'm wrong but when you start getting lawyers to write letters on your behalf, I have a tendency to go into overdrive because I know my rights. I am thankful that I listed to that voice that urged me to record portions of the board meetings. It was the best decision I could ever make; it allowed everyone (including my closet readers) the opportunity to see for themselves the chaos at the local board meetings. I get messages on Facebook all the time, saying I should post this, I shouldn't say that or I'm too negative. Everytime I receive this message, I ask them to point out the parts that aren't true. For some reason, they never respond. In case you didn't know, the truth is not always pretty. Just because you're friends with this person or this person helped you out in a pinch or made a donation towards your trip does not mean you're going to lash out at me because you don't want your benefits taken away. Before you start wagging your fingers at me, watch the videos. If I'm printing trash it's because that's what's generated at the board meetings. If you really want to help, talk to your friends, you business associates; they're the ones making the decisons. I just give the report.

When I was being called a heathen, I recalled a line from one of my favorite books, Olaudah Equiano The narrative was written by a former slave and he was reflecting on how "Christians" could use the Bible to justify the brutality of slavery. After gaining his freedom, he was speaking at a convention and asked,

"O, ye nominal Christians, learn ye this from your God?"

Living in Lumberton, I often question Christianity; primarily because of those rolling in and out the pulpit. This city has a church on every corner but the corner is not changing. I often question how you can spew quotes from the bible and mix them with insults but want the respect that comes with the role of minister. Just so you know, respect is earned not arbitrarily given. I wonder how you can stand on the corner praying every Saturday but every other Tuesday, you're tearing the city apart. We have deacons serving on the board and they will fight to hire/retain people with questionable pasts and poor work ethics but have no problem voting to rob the citizens of adequate protection and accurate water bills. In case you didn't know, the mayor and board has no intention of fixing the water billing system because the errors and misreads means more money for the city; they don't care about the consequences. When dealing with high water bills, it's like gambling at a casino; the house always win. But I'm the problem.

Just so you know, I will not be your scapegoat; your sacrificial lamb. Ben is wrong, the board members that blindly support him, without questioning his motives, are wrong. Today, I was going to post the divorce summary of John Shavers and the fact that his wife, Ann Shavers, was granted a divorce on the grounds of habitual, cruel and inhumane treatment but I opted to go in another direction. At this point, I don't think Shavers will be returning to the City of Lumberton. If he does, that means he's either a legitimate business man or very bold. Either way, I find the long list of allegations lebied against Shavers troubling. I still don't understand why Ben is obsessed with getting military equipment for a police department he's trying to get rid of. Lumberton is a microcosm of America. Our town is divided and instead of working together, using tne brightest and/or best to help move Lumberton forward, we have a mayor that's pushing a self-serving agenda and he's angry that I dare question his motives. I have no plans to stop blogging, so it's time for the mayor to get with the program or get to stepping. My offer is still on the table, if Ben want to change the direction of tne blog, he can either resign or produce something that's will benefit Lumberton. That's all! (In my Miranda Priestly voice)